PTSD, Betrayal Trauma

 I have been diagnosed with PTSD today on my first therapy session which lasted 2 hours. I discovered I might have PTSD a couple of months back after I found out my ex was chronically cheating. And I have witnessed his self-destructive hitting for 2.5 years. Those things accumulated to where I am today. I have anxiety attacks with waves of chest pains that come and go several times a day. My violent nightmares are visual and gruesome. I can hardly sleep with intrusive and very visual thoughts of him cheating over and over again. I also contemplated suicide yesterday. In desperation, I turned to a therapist and a counsellor in 2 different clinics. My therapist taught me a few coping strategies. But I would like to share one today that stood out for me strongly.

We generated this together.

Therapist: What are the recurring thoughts in your head?

Me: That he is with another woman right now.

Therapist: Do you want to be that woman now?

Me: No.

Therapist: How can you tell yourself then when you have these recurring thoughts?

Me: I do not want to be another one of the women, the other woman or his women.

Therapist: What do you fear most right now?

Me: That I would reach out to him again.

Therapist: Do you want to reach out to him?

Me: No, because I would spiral downhill in the relationship again.

Therapist: How would you prevent yourself from reaching out to him then?

Me: I don't know.

Therapist: Do you think saying 'I am so lucky I got out.' would be a strong statement?

Me: Yes I feel empowered.